Hi, friends. Welcome to the second installment of #FearlessFriday, where I’m sharing my friends’ stories of salvation, redemption and grace for your encouragement and conviction. If you missed Phillip’s testimony last Friday, you can find it here. Today’s testimony is from a dear friend of mine, Sarah, who speaks on the subject of forgiveness.
When I was a teenager, I was in a relationship which left me with a pretty low view of myself.
About a year after I became a Christian, I believed that I had found forgiveness and learnt the truth about how God saw me. A year ago, I was baptised and I gave a public and personal declaration of my faith and the healing I had received…a few months later God revealed to me all the hurt and unforgiveness in my heart.
I found myself becoming bitter and dwelling over events from my past, digging myself into a rut of self-pity, anger and hurt; making comparisons between myself and other Christians who lead seemingly perfect lives, free of regret. I felt distant from God but can now see how God was so present during this time. I felt completely helpless and had no idea what to do or how I could change the way I was feeling. I learnt that I needed to stop trying to be my own saviour, I knew God but still didn’t fully understand his Grace and the freedom that it brings.
I felt like I would never be able to experience freedom from this situation, it made me feel worthless, guilty and ashamed. The Devil knows my weaknesses and he would often use them to attack me and make me feel that I was too broken to be fixed, too worthless to be saved. These attacks always came when I was drawing close to God, in times of worship and prayer.
Whilst praising God for all he did on the cross, I would think to myself: ‘why are you singing this song, it wasn’t for you’. I had originally thought that healing would come in time, but had only found that it had done the opposite, it was time to bring this whole mess before God, again. God showed me that I needed to forgive someone from my past in order to heal, by holding onto all that happened I was only tormenting myself.
Forgiveness isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice, and just as God makes the choice to forgive me, I needed to do the same. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. It is not saying what happened was okay. I wasn’t letting him off the hook, or saying that it was right, but I was passing this judgement over to God. This isn’t to say that it was easy, it was difficult for me to let go of this time in my life, and I still think about it from time to time. But now when the devil tries tormenting me with the same old lies I have learnt to respond my declaring Gods truths that I am forgiven and that I am so precious to him.
Sarah is a 21-year-old Fashion Design student from Nottingham Trent University, currently taking a year out to work for a local mature womenswear brand where all the garments are made and distributed in the UK. She enjoys making crafts and she has a heart for kids works. She has been following Jesus for four years.