Last year I started a series here called #FearlessFriday and it remains to this day to be one of my favourite things I’ve done on this blog. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s where people have been sharing their testimonies of salvation, redemption and grace. As Christians, we should be excited to share our stories of how God moves in our lives but I’ve found that we rarely are. So I decided to start this series, and challenge my Christian friends to be fearless, to open up and become vulnerable to hopefully encourage someone else.
It’s been a while but today I’m absolutely thrilled to have Kaitlan share her testimony. Kaitlan is part of my church family and knew me before I decided to give my life to Jesus so I hope that she can testify to how much I’ve changed over the past few years! As I’ve gone from unbeliever to youth leader (yes, God can change the most unlikely hearts) it’s been a joy seeing Kaitlan growing in her faith too.
She’s going to share how God has taught her to let go of the things in life holding her back and allow Him to work in her.
LET GO AND LET GOD
I grew up in a Christian home, have been going to church since I was no age with my mum and sister. I went to Sunday school and learnt all the well-known bible verses and then when I was 11 I gave my life to Jesus to love and follow him. I thought everything would be easy after that… but I never realised that the journey had just begun.
The devil has this way of working his way into your thoughts in a way you’d never expect until sometimes it’s too late and for me it nearly was.
In 2014, I had just passed my GCSE’s and was in my first months of A-levels, the jump between the two is huge and I had never been under that sort of pressure before. I started to question my ability and whether I was doing the right thing in my life. The stress of this new step in my life affected how I saw myself from then on.
I have always struggled with what I look like but since starting my A-levels, how I saw myself just got worse and worse. I compared myself to everyone around me, my friends, my family and even total strangers on the street! I started to hate what I looked like and couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I felt out of control and the only thing I thought I could control was what I ate. I stopped eating and starved myself to the extent that it made me ill. I lost weight but I still wasn’t happy, I couldn’t love myself.
It wasn’t until the incredible and caring mother that I have sat me down and started to talk me through what was going on and she made me realise that I was damaging my body. Through continuous prayer from my church family, I soon managed to get back to a healthy weight but I still couldn’t accept the love God has for me, I always thought “how could the creator and the saviour of the world love little old me?”
I went to the Christian summer camp, Soul Survivor, that following year and during the worship the song ‘You’re Beautiful’ by Phil Wickham started playing and I just broke down in tears. In that moment, I realised just how much He loves me. The saviour of the world died for me, even if I was the only person on the planet he would still die for me!
Even a few years after that I do slip back into that thought process but whatever life has thrown at me to pull me back I need to let go of it and put it in God’s hands… they are bigger than mine after all. We need to let go and let God guide and shape our future by trusting in Him.
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Kaitlan is 18 years old and studies Sociology and Criminology at the University of Portsmouth, with the hope to one day become a detective! She loves taking pictures of the world around her and sharing them on her Instagram page, Kaitlan Photography. You should go and check her out!